Comment: The student once again shows her self-awareness. She also shows her curiosity. She wants to learn more about the people in her society and the motives behind their actions. It also highlights her critical thinking and willingness to learn. Instead of complaining about the current state of things, she wants to find its cause.

Comment: The student is advised to add more detailed information on how she would like the college to ensure that. Are there any specific clubs or organizations fostering freedom of thought that she would like to join? Adding this detail could help the readers see if the student is a good fit for the school and the specific interests that she would like to develop there.

Comment: This is a good place to show how the student's experiences and unique perspectives could enrich the college community. That could enable the admissions officers to see not only how the school is going to help in the development of the student but also how she can help other students grow.