Comment: Using rhetorical questions in the essay, especially in the introduction, is very beneficial. It makes readers reflect on the ideas presented and therefore makes the essay more memorable. Especially, when inserted at the end of the introductory paragraph, rhetorical questions indicate that their analysis or reflection will be the underlying topic of the essay.

Comment: The author develops the concept of the "Most Original" award. They reflect on it and think about its importance. At this point, it still seems that this title is completely useless to the author. In college essays, developing important ideas before actually revealing the essay's topic can be a great idea. It makes the essay more captivating.

Comment: Even though the writing style of the author is very casual, this sentence is just too informal. It makes the author look not very serious in the eyes of admission officers. In general, applicants should stick to their writing style (in this case it's an academic style that incorporates story-telling), and avoid informal phrases.