Comment: This is an excellent introduction. Indeed, these short, declarative fragments create a strong and cinematic opening that captures the reader. It immediately places the reader in a vivid and specific setting that creates a compelling narrative. For future applicants, opening with a specific time and place, and especially one that's unusual or emotionally charged, such as the Grand Prix, can immediately captivate the reader. Brevity here adds punch.

Comment: The second sentence is simple, relatable, and sets up a clear “before” moment that makes the turning point more impactful. This also gives the story a clear narrative arc that makes it easier to follow. Candidates can take away from this that they should leave their narrative to unfold naturally. Indeed, a mundane beginning can make the later transformation feel even more meaningful and memorable for the reader.

Comment: Here, the balance of physical excitement and mental precision mirrors the essay’s later themes, reinforcing the narrative arc mentioned previously. Students should use short, vivid phrases to convey emotion and tone. This draws the reader into the experience, even if they’ve never watched an F1 race. Also, the end of the sentence is honest and humble. The writer admits they didn’t fully understand what they were watching, which makes their curiosity feel genuine. Thus, the student shouldn't pretend to be an expert. Authenticity and enthusiasm can be more impressive than technical knowledge.