Comment: This sentence sets an emotional and dramatic tone right from the start, immediately engaging the reader with a sense of anticipation and personal stakes. Such an emotional hook is a great way to start a Common App essay as it can effectively capture the admissions officers' attention.

Comment: The vivid imagery and emotional depth here effectively convey the personal impact of the friend's father's illness on the writer, highlighting empathy and personal motivation. The language not only enhances the essay, making it more entertaining to read but also highlights these two positive traits of the author.

Comment: While this vow is powerful, it could be perceived as somewhat unrealistic or naive without further context about how this aspiration evolved into practical action. Admissions officers may appreciate a more nuanced reflection on the challenges and complexities of scientific research rather than a bold declaration of intent. It is important for applicants not to make bold statements that may come off as overconfident.