Comment: This opening immediately establishes a contrast that sets the stage for the essay’s core themes of privilege, sacrifice, and responsibility. The juxtaposition between the "comfortably air-conditioned bedroom" and the "hot summer night" subtly hints at an imbalance, while the narrator is in comfort, the mother is still working. The phrase "She asked me softly" is particularly effective because it adds warmth and gentleness to the moment, reinforcing the mother's quiet strength. Rather than issuing a demand, she simply asks, showing a dynamic where respect and duty coexist. Admissions officers will appreciate how this introduction presents a seemingly small moment but uses it to introduce deeper ideas about family and sacrifice. The sensory details, feeling the cool air, hearing the soft request, pull the reader in immediately, making them feel present in the scene.

Comment: The detailed description of the cleaning process is a great example of how small, routine actions can carry deeper significance. The specificity of "empty a bucket full of dirty water" and "fill it up again with boiling water" immerses the reader in the physicality of the task. This kind of vivid imagery makes the scene feel real, rather than just a generic statement about cleaning. The contrast between "painstakingly slow" and "finished in five minutes" foreshadows the mother’s disapproval, adding a sense of tension. This attention to small but meaningful details is something that admissions officers look for because it shows strong storytelling skills. Instead of telling us "I rushed through the job," the writer shows it through action, making the scene much more engaging.

Comment: This passage is an excellent moment of conflict that adds depth to the essay. The word "snatched" conveys the mother’s intensity and high standards, suggesting that she is someone who values discipline and attention to detail. The phrase "proper way" in quotes hints at the narrator’s skepticism at the time, subtly suggesting frustration. The tension builds as the narrator complies but does not receive approval, making the reader feel their frustration. The final line—"As much as I wanted to erupt that night, I had good reasons to stay calm."—is a great setup for the transition into the mother's backstory. It suggests that the writer has gained some wisdom and perspective since this moment, signaling to the reader that an important lesson is about to be revealed. Admissions officers appreciate essays that build tension and resolution in a way that feels natural, and this section does that effectively.