Comment: This opening effectively establishes the central theme of communication and identity. The mention of “first impression” creates immediate relatability, as it’s a universal concern. The sentence uses a familiar adage, engaging readers with a universal truth while setting the stage for personal reflection. It draws the reader into the essay and piques interest by implying a struggle or transformation related to self-presentation. Starting with a familiar concept can be a compelling way to connect with readers, especially when used to introduce a personal story or unique perspective.

Comment: The metaphor vividly conveys the author's childhood struggle with speech, making their experiences tangible and relatable. The phrase “bent over each other at odd angles” paints a picture of difficulty and awkwardness, which elicits empathy from the reader. It builds an emotional connection and highlights the personal nature of the story. Applicants should use creative language to evoke emotions and help readers visualize personal challenges, ensuring they feel invested in the journey.

Comment: This sentence personalizes the struggle by tying it to the author’s name, a core part of identity. The anecdote adds specificity and authenticity. Including a personal and relatable example makes the narrative more engaging while illustrating the emotional weight of the author’s difficulty with speech. It evokes empathy and helps the reader understand the depth of the challenge. Integrating personal anecdotes can make a story memorable and relatable while adding a layer of vulnerability.